i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
