I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
