Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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