PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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