Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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