Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
