Duck Duck Cougar?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
