apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
