so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
