the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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