I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone signed my nipple.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
