Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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