Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
