I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
