you have to choose: penises or morals?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
