what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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