mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
