The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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