I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
