My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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