At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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