umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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