I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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