she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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