shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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