I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
