bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
