...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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