You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
