I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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