exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
