I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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