I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My ass is underappreciated
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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