This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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