You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
