I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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