is your mom at the bar?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want a musical about memes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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