I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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