All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize