Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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