you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
