Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
