just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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