Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
