I cannot find my penis.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You smell like stripper and shame
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
