Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
