I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
