Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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