Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
