never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.