i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
