So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.