Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.