someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service