"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
