Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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