i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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