you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
