I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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