New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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