Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for

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(813): View more from Florida

Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.

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(416): View more from Ontario

i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."

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(516): View more from New York

my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper

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(702): View more from Nevada

all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.

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