Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'