He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Enjoy the penises