Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

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  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (11620) Bad night (1242)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.

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  (912): we bribed her with croutons and jello shots. http://tfl.nu/71j8
  Replies (4) Good night (3338) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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  (941): I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked. http://tfl.nu/4e23
  Replies (9) Good night (1848) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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  (909): I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar http://tfl.nu/dhbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1754) Bad night (635)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

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  (206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p
  Replies (4) Good night (1034) Bad night (1734)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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  (239): His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during... http://tfl.nu/a1a1
  Replies (11) Good night (752) Bad night (2814)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)

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  (517): Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened) http://tfl.nu/by9k
  Replies (9) Good night (1652) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?

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  (260): Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers? http://tfl.nu/8xa0
  Replies (4) Good night (577) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water

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  (801): He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water http://tfl.nu/etec
  Replies (6) Good night (887) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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  (310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152
  Replies (6) Good night (2004) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break

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  (248): Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break http://tfl.nu/smjb
  Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

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  (734): Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom http://tfl.nu/vsfc
  Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman

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  (248): They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman http://tfl.nu/xqry
  Replies (0) Good night (409) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.

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  (941): Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again. http://tfl.nu/ff5p
  Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle

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  (905): Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle http://tfl.nu/fshu
  Replies (0) Good night (835) Bad night (203)

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