Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
