I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...