I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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