Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
