the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
