I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
