textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
