Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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