Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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