planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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